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That question had even Sigmund Freud stumped, and he was supposed to be an expert on human desire, sexual and otherwise remember Oedipus and his Mommy? But it's no myth that women often want the same thing out of relationships as men do; they just go about getting it in different ways and in different phases of their lives, says Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD. She should know: as co-founder and clinical director of the Gottman Institute, she focuses on helping couples build and maintain healthy relationships.
Gottman Married women sex need that what each woman needs, wants, and expects from their marriage or intimate relationship may change from one phase of their life to the next. Yet there are tips that help couples in all phases of life. So let's start with those:. As the song says, "You got to have friends. Let's imagine Alice A, a something newly married to Bob B and just setting out on her career.
To begin with, unless she or hubby has a fat trust fund to live off, Married women sex need is probably going to have to embark on her career straight out of school. In addition to laying the roots for her professional life, our heroine has the added the stresses of dividing household labor, coping with in-laws, paying bills, and, possibly, pregnancy and children. Another is the changes in the family system itself. Women in the "deuce" decade need partners who will be able and willing, even if only grudgingly, to share the burden of housekeeping, doctors visits for the kids, bill paying, and all of life's other major and minor annoyances paying attention, guys?
It's equally important for partners to stay flexible, Gottman says. Friendship, with its implicit values of patience, understanding, compassion, and cooperation, is the key to weathering both the peaks and the troughs of a relationship in the early years. And when it comes to keeping the romance alive, that may be as simple as setting aside time for a "date" for a least a few nights every month. Alice and Bob should get a babysitter and go out to dinner, if that's possible, or make a nice, intimate dinner at home and share their thoughts, hopes, and dreams with one another, just as they did when they first met.
That makes a huge difference. Just as in the 20s, women want love and friendship in the 40s, but they may prefer to sow their oats on the domestic rather than the wild side. Many couples are well settled in career and family by the time the 40s roll around or leap out from the bushes and grab them by the throat.
But for Alice and Bob, the 40s are the time when the lovable, compliant, cute-as-hell little darlings they've raised are suddenly snatched away and replaced by evil alien clones, otherwise known as adolescents. For Alice, the challenge of parenting teenagers is compounded by the first reminders that her biological clock just doesn't have the tock it once had.
But aside from the stresses of adolescence and menopausethe 40s tend to be a more peaceful time in a relationship. To stay out of a rut, she advises couples to "make sure to express fondness, appreciation, and admiration for your partner. What the research shows is that in happily married couples there's a ratio of about positive to negative interactions, and those positive interactions include things like expressing appreciation. In unhappy relationships the ratio is about 1. In the 60s both men and women are still intensely interested in a four-letter word that ends in "k" and means "intercourse.
Research has shown that for many women, when the hot flashes of menopause have cooled off, the sex drive chills out as well. There are plenty of exceptions to the rule, but for quite a few women the most important type of intimacy at this stage may be conversation and companionship, Married women sex need hand-holding, hugs, and proximity. For their partners, it may help to remember that the woman's loss of sex drive is nothing personal; it may just be a result of dwindling hormones. More cuddle time is important to keeping a decent sex life at this age.
Other than that, the seminal events of the 60s for Alice and Bob are retirement and the emptying of the nest. When the house is suddenly empty, some couples discover that their marriage is a void as well. How do we want to live out our 'golden years?
Medically Reviewed by Charlotte E. What do women want? So let's start with those: Make time for conversations where you find out what your partner has experienced lately. Express fondness, appreciation, and admiration for your partner often. Acknowledge your partners interests, even in small moments. Avoid the "Four Horsemen" of Marriage: criticism, contempt, defensiveness which follows criticism and contemptand stonewalling that is, when one partner completely shuts down and refuses to respond.
And did we mention good sex? Could I have CAD? Missing Teeth?Married women sex need
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